SKETCHES OF SAN DIEGO
I didn't get a hard look at myself until I left
But that's how it is, isn't it?
I recognize you in your absence. I feel my place when I'm not there
We've changed, you and I
So much has come between us
And that's made us closer
Or at least, I've heard, it's supposed to
I finally see how much you've changed me. And I can see how little I've changed you
There were the evenings when I watched, and the sky, it was so purple and red
I thought the world must be burning down
And I stood and remembered this is where my father was born
Did he stand here like me?
Did he feel like he'd lost something he was never sure he had? feel
The trees here never lose their leaves
The sun never really stops shining
But the Torrey pines, they bend with the wind
I wonder if they're reaching
If they're in a tangled chase for the ocean clouds
We sat on a tarp and blanket, used wooden crates as desks
The park museums, the coffee cart, everything was closed
But the Wi-Fi still worked
People still wandered by to admire the buildings, the lotus pond
Those crates, my mom made them
I ran my thumb over the rough edge where the wood chipped off
Tapped my finger against the nail that hadn't gone down straight
I love you, but I have to leave
It never made sense
It always hurt
And now that I have to leave
I think I might understand
We couldn't help but play on that tree
The one at Balboa Park, with the roots exposed
We marveled at its height, how far out it grew
You stood and pretended to surf, the roots rushing out like waves
And I tried not to think about how quickly this would pass
About how we'd still feel this even after we were gone
