SKETCHES OF SAN DIEGO

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I didn't get a hard look at myself until I left

But that's how it is, isn't it?

I recognize you in your absence. I feel my place when I'm not there

We've changed, you and I

So much has come between us

And that's made us closer

Or at least, I've heard, it's supposed to

I finally see how much you've changed me. And I can see how little I've changed you

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There were the evenings when I watched, and the sky, it was so purple and red

I thought the world must be burning down

And I stood and remembered this is where my father was born

Did he stand here like me?

Did he feel like he'd lost something he was never sure he had?  feel

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The trees here never lose their leaves

The sun never really stops shining

But the Torrey pines, they bend with the wind

I wonder if they're reaching 

If they're in a tangled chase for the ocean clouds

We sat on a tarp and blanket, used wooden crates as desks

The park museums, the coffee cart, everything was closed

But the Wi-Fi still worked

People still wandered by to admire the buildings, the lotus pond

Those crates, my mom made them

I ran my thumb over the rough edge where the wood chipped off

Tapped my finger against the nail that hadn't gone down straight

I love you, but I have to leave

It never made sense

 

It always hurt

 

And now that I have to leave

I think I might understand

We couldn't help but play on that tree

The one at Balboa Park, with the roots exposed

We marveled at its height, how far out it grew

You stood and pretended to surf, the roots rushing out like waves

And I tried not to think about how quickly this would pass

About how we'd still feel this even after we were gone